October 2, 2021
8. Process of inner healing, how does it work?
All my life I talked to myself, in myself
I had complete conversations in myself
What I didn't know, I know now
Our soul has thousand talking and leading "things"
These "things" are just parts of our soul, but for the ease of speaking we call them angels
From the beginning, centuries before conception, they were good, healthy and free
But they have got wounded and pinned up
Some angels are healthier than others
The more healthy an angel is, the more he is able to tell us our truth and lead us our path
The more wounded and pinned an angel is, the more he will tell us and lead us from his own wounded and pinned perception
The more our angels are wounded and pinned, the less remains of who we really are
Our angels talk to us, and to the angels of other people
That's why people, specially high sensitive people, can be struggling being in places with other people
There angels hear the voices of the wounded angels of other people, they feel their wounds
When psychologists say someone is schizophrenic, he actually says,
that this person has some angels that are very very wounded
and they are extremely strong in their injury
they talk very convincing, they can scream to this person
That makes the person know for sure
that other people talk about him
the voices of there own angels and from the wounded angels of other people are as real for them as the voices of their mouth!
Actually we are al schizophrenic, in some way or another...
About my angels...
Part of them were very wounded
Some were healthier, specially when I was a child and young adult
That healthier ones have been asking me questions
Questions about life, my christian belief, whatever situation
In that time I didn't know anything about soul and angels
I just had questions
And talking to myself, I tried to find the answers
Sometimes I found my answers
Sometimes I accepted that I had no answers
When I had no answers to questions about my belief, I used to say to myself:
I don't know the answer, but if God wants me to know, He will tell me
Till the last years before innerhealing started,
some of my angels that were not very wounded, were able to give me instruction
to do something, to go to a certain person
This was lightwork, bringing power and light to someone
sometimes real life-changing!
But... sometimes a very wounded angel instructed me
seemed to copy that more healthy angel
Most times I didn't recognize the difference
and went out to do things, that were not meant to do by me
and that didn't bring light at all, I guess it was even destructive...
During the process of inner healing
a lot of my wounded angels protested
They had to heal so they would become who they were meant to be
and so they would be able to lead me to myself
How did this work???
Well, I only can tell my own story, yours may be different
In my own story there are absolutely general issues that all people have to deal with in this process
but of course everyone has also their own personal injuries that need their own treatment
One thing is the same for all of us
The innerhealing comes naturally, from within
you can only help it by accepting it, by going along with it
to take rest and time to be alone, to be alone with yourself
and you can encourage your angels by saying things like:
okay, this isn't easy, but just go on, I want to get healed!
Being with other people seems fun, but is not helpful for your healing
Your angels suffer from other people's wounded angels...
Do you recognize this, that you feel extremely tired after being in a group of people?
Well, that's because of your poor angels hearing the wounded angels of the other people...
So, more being alone will really help you!
In general we have to go through pain again
through emotional and physical pain
When you get hurt emotionally
when you get stuck in beliefs, in convictions
it will affect your body
Parts in your body also get injured and become pinned
When you go the way back, the way of inner healing
the same pinned parts had to get untied
both emotional and physical wounds has to get healed
That is very complicated
We can't see how this pile of injuries are put together
but from the inside out, our soul will lead us through the healing process
It can be (very) painful, emotionally and physically
I remember one day in the beginning of the process...
I had bladder infection, I knew it from experience
because of all the times I've had that before
but I hadn't done a check at the doctor yet
That night I got a terrible pain in my lower back
and I assumed I had pelvic inflammatory disease
However, William told me that his innervoice said
that it had to do with healing in my womb
And yes, I could imagine that that could be true
it someway felt like contractions in my lower back
But... this was in the beginning of my healing process
so I didn't have much experience with how it could work
and I felt a bit insecure, I doubted...
So next morning I did the urine-check at the doctor
She told me I had a severe bladder infection
She gave me antibiotics
That would make it better after about 3 days
Strange enough all the pain in my back and with peeing left within an hour after taking the first medicine...
From that moment on I knew,
not only with my mind but specially from the inside out
I could trust my and Williams innervoice when I had to go through pain again
And that happened...
For weeks I had pain in my temple, near to my left eye
like stitches, terrible stitches
In the beginning I was a little bit afraid
because those stitches kept coming so unexpectedly
But after some time I just said to my husband:
ouch, there's another pin being pulled loose
So knowing this was part of the process, I was able to accept the pain
For months I was regularly startled by pain in my left hand.
I was unable to grab or apply force to larger objects with that hand
Opening a new jar of pickles was not possible then
I'm not sure what happened on the background, inside, emotionally
but something is healed now, for my left hand is stronger than before
For weeks I have had pain in my jaw
not the whole day, but periods, specially before going to sleep
Terrible pain like I had to run to the dentist
But I knew from the inside out that this is about emotional healing too
In this same weeks I catched myself over and over again,
that my jaw cramps,
as if I should get my strength from there to put a little force with my hands
So somehow it seems that something is healing that has to do with a sort of spasmodicity
Now, after weeks, I am able to relax my jaw
Yesterday I got a certain pain in one of my arms
at the same time I started to be extremely tired
The pain in my arm was a kind of muscle pain that I recognized from the years that I often suffered from a way too low blood sugar level
And I recognized the sort of tiredness like almost fall into a coma from the first weeks of having Pfeiffer disease
And I remembered I had severe sore throat about a week ago
Years ago I suffered from that low blood suger level, Pfeiffer and severe throat inflammation
And I know now... I am on my way back!
Whatever emotional wounds has caused that illnesses in the past,
that emotional and physical wounds are healing now!
Some thoughts, just to think about, to ask yourself about...
I know that Pfeiffer and throat inflammations are known like caused by virusses and bacteria
But I know for almost sure, that virusses and bacteria would not have been able to cause illnesses
when we would have been totally emotional healthy
How can I be sure about that?
Because my innervoice told me so
And I have had lots of reasons to trust my innervoice
And do you know what's special?
Since the start of my process of inner healing
I have not been sick anymore in whatever way (except what I wrote before)
I didn't even have a cold
And something else I discovered just yesterday:
since covid-19, there hasn't been any flu anymore, has it?
I'll tell you this:
there always has been darkness from the outside on this world
I don't mean what we feel like darkness inside of people, that is just emotional injury
The darkness from the outside has gone since September 2019
Could it be (I think it could) that the darkness from outside always has caused the flu?
But why did the covid-19 come, after September 2019?
I guess because of what the darkness from outside had brought into the minds of several people
to experience with a virus to make a covid-19 virus
So indirectly the darkness from outside has caused what people made and called covid-19
The darkness from outside always had been able to lead people, to do thinks they normally wouldn't do...
I want to be honest to you: I just got this last idea, about flu, just in August this year
I don't have figured it all out totally, but I just told you my impressions
When you don't agree, no problem at all
Some day we will know what's it all about...
By the way, back to my last story: this morning I feel good, no pain in my arm, no extremely tiredness
My process was also very "visible" when designing clothes and when sewing, knitting and crocheting
While designing, making a work description, I often experienced enormous tension in my head, as if thousands of threads were being pulled
It was terribly difficult to think,
to oversee what to draw or write,
almost impossible to calculate sizes,
how to make a work description
Often it felt like everything came at once, all thoughts in one moment,
and then it was very difficult to write down what I had in mind
I regularly couldn't handle it, I threw everything aside, only to pick it up again a little later, because I wanted to continue
It was a huge battle!
But... it became better, easer, more relaxed little by little
It happened several times that the result of sewing, knitting or crocheting was not good
Sometimes it was a small thing, I just had to pull out a bit
But sometimes the totall result was just lousy and I had to decide to take everything apart, so many hours of work, and start over
The first time it was intense, very intense
It felt like my work, so many hours of work, had been for nothing
But here too I became more relaxed
Now it is almost easy to exept that the result isn't what I meant it to be
And because I want to be the clothes I make to be beautiful fitting, I just start over, without feeling heavy or having doubts anymore
Something completely different is about my thinking
When you are led by angels that are wounded and caught up in beliefs
you don't think and act like the one you are in the core
Looking back I remember I thought like how "the people" would think
My inner process just brought me back to talking to myself
Things came to mind, whole stories about whatever situation came along
and that took months, every day again...
Most times I felt the emotions belonging to the stories
After that months, thoughts and stories can come along again,
but they don't come inside,
they only fly by quietly and don't trouble me anymore
Now I've gone throug a big part of the process
I am able to hear my innervoice more clear
and feel the confirmation of my soul
I remember about my time as a christian who had seriously surrendered my life to Jesus,
what meant that I really really really only wanted to live with Him and for Him,
I remember that christian leaders spoke about changing your mind, changing the way you think
They teached us to proclaim who we were in Christ Jesus
to proclaim Bible words over ourselves
I did it, for I was seriously convinced that this was so good
but... no matter how much I did this,
it didn't help me, nothing changed how I felt
But now, after a few years if inner healing
my thinking has been changed a lot
What did I do to get this far?
NOTHING else but going through that process of innerhealing
While I could tell myself in the past, I was beautiful, it made no difference how I felt... ugly...
Now by getting more and more healed from the inside out, I feel good, I feel beautiful
My thinking has been changed, not by proclaiming, but by innerhealing, led by my soul
And this change of thinking is real, for else I couldn't have felt it
Nobody and nothing can convince me anymore
I only need my soul, my innervoice, to just tell me and let me feel.
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